Yes, please, strike it! I'll take in to consideration everything, but no promises :). What I did: 1. Cut the scene with the candles on the floor 2. Added sounds and the name of the film in the beginning. 3. the very first cut, maybe a little bit harsh, but I'm not sure, I've tried to smooth, but it was not good.
1) I suggest you shorten the stair sequence - one, for the sake of the pace, and two, because audience becomes aware of the repeat in texturing - fade to black. Also - and this is about shot composition - it just feels that the pov is set too low; if I had the infinite luxury of time, I'd revisit the stair sequence and consider a shot in which the camera is higher....
2) fade the attic shot up from black to match it in with staircase shot.
3) stop the ticking SFX as soon as the weirdness begins - it feels odd that it continues even as the clock goes nuts.
4) try a hard edit just after the 'bong' of the clock straight to the attic shot - the fade here just feels like it slows things down - but carry the 'bong' sfx over onto the attic shot - it will help marry the two shots together.
5) cut to the book and candle close-up sequence @ 1min - the phrasing of the music just begs for a change of pace here - try it.
6) and the final shot - the pov of (I assume) the dead man - it just doesn't work - end your piece on the fade into black from the smoke and then bookend with a shot of your title again, and then your credits, and fade the music out much more gracefully....
1) I suggest you shorten the stair sequence - one, for the sake of the pace, and two, because audience becomes aware of the repeat in texturing - fade to black. Also - and this is about shot composition - it just feels that the pov is set too low; if I had the infinite luxury of time, I'd revisit the stair sequence and consider a shot in which the camera is higher....
With the stairs sequence - agree, however low pov camera meant to be there, because the person still stands on the stairs. Anyway, I wanted to do like this (big fat full stop) I'll take your position into consideration in my next projects :)
2) fade the attic shot up from black to match it in with staircase shot. agree - ok
3) stop the ticking SFX as soon as the weirdness begins - it feels odd that it continues even as the clock goes nuts. - ok
4) try a hard edit just after the 'bong' of the clock straight to the attic shot - the fade here just feels like it slows things down - but carry the 'bong' sfx over onto the attic shot - it will help marry the two shots together. - yes!
5) cut to the book and candle close-up sequence @ 1min - the phrasing of the music just begs for a change of pace here - try it. - I will, and I already cut there frames - too static and too long :(
6) and the final shot - the pov of (I assume) the dead man - it just doesn't work - end your piece on the fade into black from the smoke and then bookend with a shot of your title again, and then your credits, and fade the music out much more gracefully.... *crying*
Thanks Phil, it wasn't critical, but I think you just spared my mental condition. Ave Ave Mighty Phil ;)
Dark Duke - you've accomplished a lot - now just look at what you've created as footage you didn't make - be your own audience - make it work now as film, not simple as a showcase for your growing technical proficiency. Make it an experience - brutal truth: your audience doesn't give a flying fuck how long this took you; what they want is a one min + of atmosphere, dread, and edited elegance! Be brave when you cut - remember, you can have all the deleted scenes as bonuses... Also, don't rush the credits/title sequence; let the audience sit in the darkness for 8 secs as the music and soundscape build gradually out of the dark, then, bring up your title - don't rush it - create anticipation... your audience will thank you for making them wait.
5 comments:
do you want feedback? Or will you send the devil to flay the flesh from my bones if I say anything at this stage (it's only about the editing/pace)...
Yes, please, strike it! I'll take in to consideration everything, but no promises :).
What I did:
1. Cut the scene with the candles on the floor
2. Added sounds and the name of the film in the beginning.
3. the very first cut, maybe a little bit harsh, but I'm not sure, I've tried to smooth, but it was not good.
Well, I'm listening.
1) I suggest you shorten the stair sequence - one, for the sake of the pace, and two, because audience becomes aware of the repeat in texturing - fade to black. Also - and this is about shot composition - it just feels that the pov is set too low; if I had the infinite luxury of time, I'd revisit the stair sequence and consider a shot in which the camera is higher....
2) fade the attic shot up from black to match it in with staircase shot.
3) stop the ticking SFX as soon as the weirdness begins - it feels odd that it continues even as the clock goes nuts.
4) try a hard edit just after the 'bong' of the clock straight to the attic shot - the fade here just feels like it slows things down - but carry the 'bong' sfx over onto the attic shot - it will help marry the two shots together.
5) cut to the book and candle close-up sequence @ 1min - the phrasing of the music just begs for a change of pace here - try it.
6) and the final shot - the pov of (I assume) the dead man - it just doesn't work - end your piece on the fade into black from the smoke and then bookend with a shot of your title again, and then your credits, and fade the music out much more gracefully....
1) I suggest you shorten the stair sequence - one, for the sake of the pace, and two, because audience becomes aware of the repeat in texturing - fade to black. Also - and this is about shot composition - it just feels that the pov is set too low; if I had the infinite luxury of time, I'd revisit the stair sequence and consider a shot in which the camera is higher....
With the stairs sequence - agree, however low pov camera meant to be there, because the person still stands on the stairs. Anyway, I wanted to do like this (big fat full stop) I'll take your position into consideration in my next projects :)
2) fade the attic shot up from black to match it in with staircase shot.
agree - ok
3) stop the ticking SFX as soon as the weirdness begins - it feels odd that it continues even as the clock goes nuts. - ok
4) try a hard edit just after the 'bong' of the clock straight to the attic shot - the fade here just feels like it slows things down - but carry the 'bong' sfx over onto the attic shot - it will help marry the two shots together. - yes!
5) cut to the book and candle close-up sequence @ 1min - the phrasing of the music just begs for a change of pace here - try it. - I will, and I already cut there frames - too static and too long :(
6) and the final shot - the pov of (I assume) the dead man - it just doesn't work - end your piece on the fade into black from the smoke and then bookend with a shot of your title again, and then your credits, and fade the music out much more gracefully.... *crying*
Thanks Phil, it wasn't critical, but I think you just spared my mental condition.
Ave Ave Mighty Phil ;)
Dark Duke - you've accomplished a lot - now just look at what you've created as footage you didn't make - be your own audience - make it work now as film, not simple as a showcase for your growing technical proficiency. Make it an experience - brutal truth: your audience doesn't give a flying fuck how long this took you; what they want is a one min + of atmosphere, dread, and edited elegance! Be brave when you cut - remember, you can have all the deleted scenes as bonuses... Also, don't rush the credits/title sequence; let the audience sit in the darkness for 8 secs as the music and soundscape build gradually out of the dark, then, bring up your title - don't rush it - create anticipation... your audience will thank you for making them wait.
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