I understood that my project isn't strong enough in terms of concept and there are a bunch of holes in it. I've used wrong metaphors to deliver a message of my animation. Now I'm reconsidering my project: message, approach and entourage. And what is more important my goal in this project. It shouldn't take long time and I hope I will update with more clear idea soon. At the moment, I'm a little bit lost.
2 comments:
Hey Alex,
You made one mistake - and it's typical of your character. You kept your work away from everyone, rushed into production, and now you're lost because it wasn't received with open arms straight away. I could have predicted this! What did you think my last comment was about? Anyway - you're feeling lost and that's okay actually, as long as you DON'T throw all your work away in a misunderstanding of the advice you've been given. Obviously, I wasn't privvy to the conversation you had with Alan, but I have read your script, and it's very filmic on paper, it's atmospheric and it's downbeat, but it's also very linear, has no tension, and doesn't satisfy - yet. The script - the structure - should have come first, Alex - you know that, when I know you've been modelling the house etc over the summer. I'd suggest the 'problem' with your story is not the 'vision' you have carried in your head (and should be protective of), but the delivery of that story.
Your story is a simple one; somewhere in a post-apocalyptic future, a man escapes the grim reality of his circumstances by taking drugs, which gives him the 'trip' of travelling far away in an airship. Story ends with man dead, trip over.
If I were you, I'd play about with structure. What happens to your story if it starts on board the airship? If it starts with extraordinary colour and life. What happens if the audience believes that the 'airship world' is real; if the audience is made to experience joy and freedom. - to be exhilarated. What happens if a second, much darker, reality starts to intrude into the airship world - perhaps through the clever use of transitions and match-cuts. Perhaps we see your protagonist struggling to keep the airship 'afloat', but it's sinking and sinking - and what happens if finally we see that your protagonist is in his grim, nuclear-blasted house looking at a drawing he's made of an airship, and then, as the camera moves out of the window and shows us his house, we see fire or ash rushing towards the house - he was dreaming of escape, but now his dream was over. Or, instead of the apocalyptic world, we see he is in some kind of asylum. The point is, that currently, your script is very linear, we know the airship is a drug-induced dream, we know his life is shit - we know everything from the beginning, which means your story has no tension, no question to be answered. The problem with your story is not, as far as I'm concerned, the metaphor of the airship equalling freedom - this is a great metaphor, but I'd question why your protagonist needs to be a drug-addict at all. Isn't it more poignant if the audience comes to understand - by the end of the film (not at the beginning), that your character is dreaming of a different life, but he is anyway doomed?
Start with the airship - assert that reality, and end in the 'real' world - only this way will your audience 'feel' anything about your character. Your story could and should be devastating for the audience because they've first been made to share what is wonderful about the dream, only to have it taken away.
Hey Phil,
I don't think that I misunderstood Alan's critiques. He is right and you are right. And I'm not going to throw anything away. I'm working on the story and trying to find another ways to play it differently.
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